The Intimate You

I see your face so many times, but I do not know why. I have a new face to replace your face, but yet it is still there in my head. I wasted 2 ½ years of my life on you, even though you killed my love for you three times.
                
The first time we met, it was in our freshmen English class. One day, I decided to make you Paris when I retold the story of Troy. I suppose that was when I started to like you, not that it mattered. I was actually with someone else at the time, and summer was right around the corner. I did not have time to dwell on my unwanted feelings for you when I had a boyfriend and marching band to think about. He broke up with me on September 2nd, and you asked me out ten days later on September 12th. I thought it was strange seeing as how you liked my friend, Bambi, who was nicknamed after the Disney movie, and you would follow her around everywhere like her shadow. Apparently, you took her advice to date me.

We lasted for about 6 months the first time. We had a class together, and you would carry my books as you walked me to all my classes. It was nice, but boring at the same time. We rarely saw each other outside of school. I was the one who ended it, having lost interest in our relationship. I know you lost interest in it too, but for some strange reason, you did not have the guts to break up with me before I decided to. And when I did, you did not even bat an eye. You just gave me a thumbs up and that annoying, lip smile of yours. You walked away, and I went to my next class, an enormous smile on my face. I was so relieved to be rid of you that I could not wait to shout it to the world, but I had to settle for just my friends who thought, and constantly told me, that you were a complete jackass.

Not even a year later, I was back with you. You had dated another girl for a while after I had broken up with you. I did not know your new girlfriend very well, but we soon became friends. Band was helpful once again. You two lasted a little bit longer than we did, but not by much. I had a new boyfriend by then too, but we only lasted about a couple of months. Your girlfriend and I actually swapped boyfriends within the same week. She started dating my ex, and I started to date you again. I do not why, maybe I was jealous, but it does not really matter now. We stayed together for a year and then some, going farther in our relationship almost every day, but not as far as you wanted to go, you nasty pervert.

I cried 2 times over you that year. The first time was when you told me you might like another girl. I balled my eyes out in my last class that day. The teacher came up to me and told me to go to the bathroom. I did, but it did not help. When I got home later that day, I took a shower, and still wrapped in the blue, scratchy towel, sobbed and prayed to God, begging that you would not be taken from me. The following day, I caught up with you as all the juniors and seniors were walking to the theatre for some presentation. You did not mention the day before and I did not either. I guess that problem was gone.

The second time I turned my eyes into a replica of Niagara Falls because of you was when we went to the movies and met up with 4 of our friends, your ex-girlfriend among them. The only thing I really remember from the movie was that Wayne was in love with the blue-eyed guy and became upset when some girl started talking to him. We all hung out in the parking lot for a while, some of the other pretending to have sex with your ex’s car. It was not until after they all had left did you tell me that you had cheated on me. Not only that, but you had cheated on me with one of the friends we had just been hanging out with, and it was not your ex, the only girl of the group that day. I dropped my purse and could not see straight. You picked it up and took me to sit on one of the benches in front of the movie theatre complex. You were saying sorry over and over, like some chant. I said that it was no big deal, that we could still make our relationship work, but that night was the last night I spoke to you face to face.

Normally, I am really excited about Christmas break, but not this time. I worried constantly about what was going to happen the next time I would see you. The first day back to school, I waited for you, bouncing on the balls of my feet. When I finally saw you, you were walking with your head down and the first thing you said to me was, “Can we talk?” I knew what was coming. You broke up with me, saying that I deserved someone better. You gave me back my red scarf and the Celtic necklace. You had worn them every day. I thought about burning them, but decided not to, feeling  it would be too much effort to waste on something so trivial as burning items that had once touched your skin. Big deal.

Over the next couple months, I was sad and angry at you for what you did, but I told myself to not worry because karma would fix it. And it did. You dated the guy you had kissed for only two weeks before he broke up with you. A friend of mine told me during English class, and I could not stop laughing.

Yet, somehow, I was back with you again. Third time is the charm they say, but not for us. Things went back to the way they were before, but my friends kept telling me that I was crazy. I never really had a response for them. Graduation came and we were finally free from high school. We still saw each other over the summer, but your college’s start date was before mine, and we did not speak to each other again until you called me. I remember the day, it was August 20th, 2008, a Wednesday. You called and told me that you had, once again, cheated. But with a girl this time, not like that makes any difference. I told you enough was enough. I was not going to take it anymore. And we were through, and we were not getting back together again.

We talked again about a month later after that. I answered you in one word sentences. We have not spoken since, and while your face still flickers in my mind, I know it will be replaced. Anyone can be replaced. Maybe, hopefully, I will meet him soon.